Sorry it has been so long since a blog. It's safe to say blogging is not my talent. I think this shows why I am not talented at much... because it's hard for me to stay focused long enough to dedicate myself to something.
On that note, so many things have happened since I blogged last. Lets start with the bowling alley. I am still working in the bar at the bowling alley. Excuse my humility here but, for the people that like a stiff drink... I am talented at bartending. Bartending has come easy to me. Being a cocktail waitress has not. In fact, I might be the worst cocktail waitress in the history of all cocktail waitresses. If I'm not spilling your drink on you, I'm giving you the wrong change. Nothing is more embarrassing than having to go back and correct the mistake. Last night a woman was telling her sob story (shes getting kicked out of her house because she doesn't have a job and can't pay for it... doesn't want to work because in her mind she is SO benevolent and thinks people need the job more than her......Nice rational thinking, lady) and asked me to get her a shot of Jose and told me to make her uncle pay. I bring the shot of Jose but she is nowhere in site. To avoid the awkward situation of telling her uncle he needs to pay for her drink... I paid for it. If it weren't for a 3 dollar tipper then next round I would have walked out of work in the negative on tips. Needless to say... waitressing is also not my talent.
There are many perks* for working at the bowling alley.... FREE BOWLING! I'm frequently asked "what's your average?" or "what are you bowling" or "Want to bowl a game when you get off" (this is followed by creepy winks). Here are the answers: 1. If I knew how to figure out a fucking average I wouldn't be working here (knowing how to figure out an average makes you like a CPA, right?!) 2. If I were actually bowling I would be bowling BALL, dummy! 3. No, I never want to bowl with you.
Here is a quick bowling lesson 1. 300= perfect game 2. tournament/league style bowling is freaking confusing after a pitcher of MGD. 3. It's a lot harder than it looks. When I bowl.... my score is usually 40-60... so yeah...... bowling sucks nor is it my talent.
Besides working at the bowling alley, I got myself a girlfriend. She is so cute. And I "came out" to my parents. And I got a Google Android Pride shirt (IT'S SO CUTE!). And... I've lost 35lbs (32lbs after the burrito I just ate from Mi Pueblo). Turned 25. Got a "BIG GIRL" job. AND gave big red an oil change.
I'll tell you more about those later!
* "perks at the bowling alley" should really just be a singular "perk"
Friday, August 12, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
7-10 Split
Sunday, sometime after Thanksgiving and before Christmas my friend Kelle and I were celebrating Sunday funday in our usual tradition with liters of champagne (pronounced: sham-pag-nee). After getting a quick champagne buzz we decided to go play pool, but we weren't feeling the traditional Vallejo dive bar scene, we headed to Kentwig Bowling Lanes instead.
We got there at about 5:45pm; the bar didn't open until 6. So we waited, played some hunting video games and smoked a cigarette. While we were waiting I saw a sign that said "NOW HIRING BARTENDERS AND COCKTAIL WAITRESSES" right next to the sign that said "CAUTION: MICROWAVE IN USE" and above the name of the bar, Candlewood Lounge. I turn to Kelle and say "hey, look, they are hiring. SAA-WEET!" We laughed it off, and played 5 Bud-heavy pitchers worth of pool games. The more drank we laughed about how funny it would be to work there. We inquired with the bartender and he gave us applications. There wasn't much to the application but the distinct question that sticks out in my mind is "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BONDED FROM JAIL?" Well, of course we haven't, we will for-sho get this job.
The next morning, Kelle sent me a text, saying she starts work that night. Great, but where was my call. Being unemployed for so long takes a toll on one’s self-confidence. So, I sulk, and continue watching my Roseanne re-runs. I decide to go support Kelle on her first night and go have some a few drinks to console myself. Turns out the bartender didn't have a car; his phone was shut off, and didn't show up for work. Not great for him, but the next day I got the job!
The first thing you notice about the Candlewood Lounge is how "retro" it is. I hear people that come in for the first time always say "wow! It’s so retro. It's awesome" It’s retro because it hasn't been remodeled since it was built in the early 70's. The booths are a basil green color, a half-moon shape, and vinyl. We also have a gas fire place that really sets the ambiance. We also have the pool table with red chalk; you would be surprised how many complain about red chalk. I don't get what the big deal is. To "modernize" the bar the owners installed sets of disco lighting and a stereo system. It is a classy establishment to say the least.
My first night working, I was warned that league bowlers are a special breed of people. I never knew what they meant, but come to find out the regulars are VERY particular about how things are done. As a new cocktail waitress I was scrutinized until I proved myself. One customer, Dan orders Kahlua, club soda, 3 limes. Second round-- same glass, same limes, same ice. Third round-- same glass, add 4 cubes of ice, and one lime. Well, I know this now.... I was waiting on him during the Wednesday night league; I didn't take his glass for his second round, and brought him a new drink. After getting bitched out and being told I was incompetent, I took old glass and poured the new drink in it, and said "we can pretend this never happened" as I picked out the fresh limes. I don't know if i won him over because I was rude or my problem solving skills. Other league members tested me with napkin knowledge. I wish I could tell you how many times someone said "do you know why cocktail napkins are important?" I would respond "because you don't want balls to slip out of your hand?" "NO! Because of condensation, CONDENSATION!! The glass condensates and gets on the floor... someone could slip and fall!!" "Ok, great, here’s a napkin." The regulars are colorful people to say the least.
Saturday nights at the Candlewood Lounge are hit and miss. It can be crazy busy one Saturday but the next I will make more Shirley Temples than actual drinks. I usually catch up on Teen Mom or Celebrity Rehab on those nights. I was balls deep in Teen Mom, cursing Janelle for having a child and no sense of responsibility when an older woman came into the bar. I could tell she has had a hard life, smoked too much crack rock, and liked to party. I could barely understand her when she spoke through the few teeth she had. She sat at the bar and had 3 consecutive Jack Daniels shots. She must have felt a buzz quick because she asked to turn a blues radio station on. I do so because I’m a people please and I was slightly afraid of her. She got up and started dancing around the bar, picked up the pool stick and started gyrating on it. GAH-ROSS! She sat down and decided to drink Sloe Gin. She asked me “can I smoke in her?” I told her that you can smoke inside but she can go outside, and I would watch her drink. She was aggravated that she couldn’t smoke and drink at the same time, I sympathize with her. I left to go the dishes and when I turned around she was smoking by the fireplace “ummm…ma’am you can’t smoke in here. You need to go outside. I’ll watch your drink” “fuck these stupid laws I can do what I want!!” she yelled at me. I left quietly and asked security to escort her out. As security comes in she starts propositioning him, and declared when she was leaving but later she will smoke crack and drink at the same time. I haven’t seen her since, but I hope she’s ok.
The Sunday night league is my favorite. Since I started on a Sunday as a cocktail waitress I have really got to know them. The league is called Marihlika, it’s the Pilipino league. Our communication is not great, but they can say pitcher of MGD clearly. They refuse to drink out of pint glasses and demand small plastic Solo cups. They are one of my favorite leagues because they like to drink A LOT. They aren’t great tippers, but that is ok because on their fourth pitcher they start singing the Happy Birthday song. They sing with such fervent like one would sing their national anthem, and no one in particular… they just really like the song.
I have found working at the Candlewood lounge that there are three different types of people. There are the over tippers. They tip a ridiculous amount to either show off or to receive special treatment such as stronger drinks than the normal dollar/drink tipper. It works. I will go out of my way for you if you give me five dollars every time I open a beer for you or pour a vodka cran. There is the dollar per drink tipper. I consider a dollar/drink standard, it’s a really great way to say “thank you.” Finally, there is the guy that tips me with bootleg DVDs. I LOVE HIM. I saw True Grit before it hit theaters, I have almost every movie I could possibly want to see and some I don’t, like, Rob Dyrdek movie Street Dreams. I usually see him a few times a week; I am really hoping he has Hall Pass soon. I can’t wait to watch it.
The Candlewood Lounge is a great job. I am pretty talented at bartending if I do say so myself. I will start posting stories more often. I promise.
We got there at about 5:45pm; the bar didn't open until 6. So we waited, played some hunting video games and smoked a cigarette. While we were waiting I saw a sign that said "NOW HIRING BARTENDERS AND COCKTAIL WAITRESSES" right next to the sign that said "CAUTION: MICROWAVE IN USE" and above the name of the bar, Candlewood Lounge. I turn to Kelle and say "hey, look, they are hiring. SAA-WEET!" We laughed it off, and played 5 Bud-heavy pitchers worth of pool games. The more drank we laughed about how funny it would be to work there. We inquired with the bartender and he gave us applications. There wasn't much to the application but the distinct question that sticks out in my mind is "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BONDED FROM JAIL?" Well, of course we haven't, we will for-sho get this job.
The next morning, Kelle sent me a text, saying she starts work that night. Great, but where was my call. Being unemployed for so long takes a toll on one’s self-confidence. So, I sulk, and continue watching my Roseanne re-runs. I decide to go support Kelle on her first night and go have some a few drinks to console myself. Turns out the bartender didn't have a car; his phone was shut off, and didn't show up for work. Not great for him, but the next day I got the job!
The first thing you notice about the Candlewood Lounge is how "retro" it is. I hear people that come in for the first time always say "wow! It’s so retro. It's awesome" It’s retro because it hasn't been remodeled since it was built in the early 70's. The booths are a basil green color, a half-moon shape, and vinyl. We also have a gas fire place that really sets the ambiance. We also have the pool table with red chalk; you would be surprised how many complain about red chalk. I don't get what the big deal is. To "modernize" the bar the owners installed sets of disco lighting and a stereo system. It is a classy establishment to say the least.
My first night working, I was warned that league bowlers are a special breed of people. I never knew what they meant, but come to find out the regulars are VERY particular about how things are done. As a new cocktail waitress I was scrutinized until I proved myself. One customer, Dan orders Kahlua, club soda, 3 limes. Second round-- same glass, same limes, same ice. Third round-- same glass, add 4 cubes of ice, and one lime. Well, I know this now.... I was waiting on him during the Wednesday night league; I didn't take his glass for his second round, and brought him a new drink. After getting bitched out and being told I was incompetent, I took old glass and poured the new drink in it, and said "we can pretend this never happened" as I picked out the fresh limes. I don't know if i won him over because I was rude or my problem solving skills. Other league members tested me with napkin knowledge. I wish I could tell you how many times someone said "do you know why cocktail napkins are important?" I would respond "because you don't want balls to slip out of your hand?" "NO! Because of condensation, CONDENSATION!! The glass condensates and gets on the floor... someone could slip and fall!!" "Ok, great, here’s a napkin." The regulars are colorful people to say the least.
Saturday nights at the Candlewood Lounge are hit and miss. It can be crazy busy one Saturday but the next I will make more Shirley Temples than actual drinks. I usually catch up on Teen Mom or Celebrity Rehab on those nights. I was balls deep in Teen Mom, cursing Janelle for having a child and no sense of responsibility when an older woman came into the bar. I could tell she has had a hard life, smoked too much crack rock, and liked to party. I could barely understand her when she spoke through the few teeth she had. She sat at the bar and had 3 consecutive Jack Daniels shots. She must have felt a buzz quick because she asked to turn a blues radio station on. I do so because I’m a people please and I was slightly afraid of her. She got up and started dancing around the bar, picked up the pool stick and started gyrating on it. GAH-ROSS! She sat down and decided to drink Sloe Gin. She asked me “can I smoke in her?” I told her that you can smoke inside but she can go outside, and I would watch her drink. She was aggravated that she couldn’t smoke and drink at the same time, I sympathize with her. I left to go the dishes and when I turned around she was smoking by the fireplace “ummm…ma’am you can’t smoke in here. You need to go outside. I’ll watch your drink” “fuck these stupid laws I can do what I want!!” she yelled at me. I left quietly and asked security to escort her out. As security comes in she starts propositioning him, and declared when she was leaving but later she will smoke crack and drink at the same time. I haven’t seen her since, but I hope she’s ok.
The Sunday night league is my favorite. Since I started on a Sunday as a cocktail waitress I have really got to know them. The league is called Marihlika, it’s the Pilipino league. Our communication is not great, but they can say pitcher of MGD clearly. They refuse to drink out of pint glasses and demand small plastic Solo cups. They are one of my favorite leagues because they like to drink A LOT. They aren’t great tippers, but that is ok because on their fourth pitcher they start singing the Happy Birthday song. They sing with such fervent like one would sing their national anthem, and no one in particular… they just really like the song.
I have found working at the Candlewood lounge that there are three different types of people. There are the over tippers. They tip a ridiculous amount to either show off or to receive special treatment such as stronger drinks than the normal dollar/drink tipper. It works. I will go out of my way for you if you give me five dollars every time I open a beer for you or pour a vodka cran. There is the dollar per drink tipper. I consider a dollar/drink standard, it’s a really great way to say “thank you.” Finally, there is the guy that tips me with bootleg DVDs. I LOVE HIM. I saw True Grit before it hit theaters, I have almost every movie I could possibly want to see and some I don’t, like, Rob Dyrdek movie Street Dreams. I usually see him a few times a week; I am really hoping he has Hall Pass soon. I can’t wait to watch it.
The Candlewood Lounge is a great job. I am pretty talented at bartending if I do say so myself. I will start posting stories more often. I promise.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Acid Flashbacks
I always heard "if you drop acid you will have flashbacks for the REST OF YOUR LIFE," I disagree. The only flashbacks I've had is wanting to go back when I was dropping acid. Acid is so much fun. College was so much fun. I have really missed college lately. Everyone talks about how crazy there college years were. I read the book "I hope they serve beer in hell," it was ok, funny sometimes, but the whole time I thought the guy was a grade A d- bag. The premise is about banging different chicks and using daddies money to get hammered, it is funny for three chapters after it gets old. Which I guess happened to my friendship group after '07-08... all the drugs and drinking got old. Although, I'm still friends with everyone, it wasn't like it used to be. People moved on, started doing different things, which is ok. Because when you party like we did for an extended period that is how you end up meeting Jeff VonVonderen on Intervention. Alas, I wish I could go back for a weekend, but until I can hop into the Delorean I'm stuck with my memories.
On that note, this is what I do these days: Sit on the couch and watch TV. I found myself excited over the new "What Would You Do" on Friday. This episode John Quinones asks "what would you do if you saw doctors getting drunk before an emergency call?".... good question John.. what would I do? I would probably scope out if they are lesbian lovers, because my dream lover would be a doctor. For obvious reasons: women who save people are hot. I digress, the point is... I'm bored. After softball ended I feel like I have no meaning to my life again. But there is always a light at the end of a tunnel, I was accepted to Solano Community College!!! Thats right, IM GOING TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE! I am so excited. I really want to get good grades this time around. I'm going to get a lunch box, a five star binder, and a new backpack! I unfortunately have to retake classes that I fucked up my last couple of years in college. Like English 102... I took that class fucking 3 times and, still couldn't get a good grade.Probably because I reused all my papers and never read the material. So that's happening....
I was watching something on VH1 about Asher Roth, you remember our friend. The one hit wonder, middle class white boy? No? It's ok not many people do. Here is the video link in case you need a reminder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYx7YG0RsFY. After hearing this song, it got me thinking, I MISS COLLEGE. Asher Roth was completely right, because life after college sucks hairy balls. I wrote my own little ditty that we song after college.
I Miss College
That SVU last night was awfully crazy I wish I taped it
I did my laundry so I don’t go to work completely naked
Drank a glass of wine and pet my cat watch DWTS while I get fat
Pass out at 10 wake up at 7 drink my coffee then do it again
Man, I miss college
Real life makes me want to go to college for the rest of my life
Watch 20/20 and dateline every night
Do Thursday spin class and Tuesday cardio light
Eat pizza while friends watch the Paquiao Fight
So drink a glass of wine, while I lay supine
Dinner on the table, you want what?
I’m a champion at The Office Trivia
Steve Carrell , Rain Wilson
Don’t come over unless you bring a dish, to share
You better hope everyone likes it or you’ll get the death stare
Time isn’t wasted getting well rested
Woke up today and all I could say is…
That SVU last night was awfully crazy I wish I taped it
I did my laundry so I don’t go to work completely naked
Drank a glass of wine and pet my cat watch DWTS while I get fat
Pass out at 10 wake up at 7 drink my coffee then do it again
Man, I miss college, ay!
And I miss drinking, ay!
I (still) love women, ay!
Man, I miss college
On that note, this is what I do these days: Sit on the couch and watch TV. I found myself excited over the new "What Would You Do" on Friday. This episode John Quinones asks "what would you do if you saw doctors getting drunk before an emergency call?".... good question John.. what would I do? I would probably scope out if they are lesbian lovers, because my dream lover would be a doctor. For obvious reasons: women who save people are hot. I digress, the point is... I'm bored. After softball ended I feel like I have no meaning to my life again. But there is always a light at the end of a tunnel, I was accepted to Solano Community College!!! Thats right, IM GOING TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE! I am so excited. I really want to get good grades this time around. I'm going to get a lunch box, a five star binder, and a new backpack! I unfortunately have to retake classes that I fucked up my last couple of years in college. Like English 102... I took that class fucking 3 times and, still couldn't get a good grade.Probably because I reused all my papers and never read the material. So that's happening....
I was watching something on VH1 about Asher Roth, you remember our friend. The one hit wonder, middle class white boy? No? It's ok not many people do. Here is the video link in case you need a reminder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYx7YG0RsFY. After hearing this song, it got me thinking, I MISS COLLEGE. Asher Roth was completely right, because life after college sucks hairy balls. I wrote my own little ditty that we song after college.
That SVU last night was awfully crazy I wish I taped it
I did my laundry so I don’t go to work completely naked
Drank a glass of wine and pet my cat watch DWTS while I get fat
Pass out at 10 wake up at 7 drink my coffee then do it again
Man, I miss college
Real life makes me want to go to college for the rest of my life
Watch 20/20 and dateline every night
Do Thursday spin class and Tuesday cardio light
Eat pizza while friends watch the Paquiao Fight
So drink a glass of wine, while I lay supine
Dinner on the table, you want what?
I’m a champion at The Office Trivia
Steve Carrell , Rain Wilson
Don’t come over unless you bring a dish, to share
You better hope everyone likes it or you’ll get the death stare
Time isn’t wasted getting well rested
Woke up today and all I could say is…
That SVU last night was awfully crazy I wish I taped it
I did my laundry so I don’t go to work completely naked
Drank a glass of wine and pet my cat watch DWTS while I get fat
Pass out at 10 wake up at 7 drink my coffee then do it again
Man, I miss college, ay!
And I miss drinking, ay!
I (still) love women, ay!
Man, I miss college
Friday, November 12, 2010
It's that time again......
WHOA, I'm back! It has been months since my last blog. So long that I didn't remember my last postings. It's hard to channel creative energy when your busy. Don't look so shocked... I HAVE BEEN BUSY! No, I haven't just been napping and living a life a luxury like most unemployed people do... I have been giving back to my community and ya know.... things.
The goal for this blog is to try different things and eventually find something that I'm good at, or actually like doing. For the past year and a half I have been searching for my niche in life. Its not an easy task. Although my plan was to try manual labor, different creative projects, and things that I should know how to do anyway (i.e, fix a flat tire or go normal on a first date). I failed because I didn't actually do anything I was planning on. I was not made for hard labor or anything domestic. If you remember, my first plan of attack was to paint my sisters old bedroom. Here is a recap on how that worked out: I patched half a wall. I also tried to fix a hole in my partigan* and it was fixed until I washed it and it was the holy (yes it is holy) partigan again. This blog hasn't gone the way I intended it to go, but I have done some positive things I would like to share with you in a picture blog.
In this time off from writing I have...
Coached a middle school softball team. IT WAS AWESOME!
This, by far, is the best thing I have done in years. I realized that I could see myself working with kids, which has encouraged me to go back to school. I finally figured out what I could do with my life because of my bad news bears softball team. On the other note my talent in NOT field maintenance.
This was my first time.... not great as you can see.
This was my second time. Apparently, in slowpitch softball there aren't supposed to be pitchers circle. You can't tell but this circle is about 3/4th of the infield.
Practice makes perfect, my friends. Although the season ended before I actually did a good job lining the field... there was a lot of improvement.
Here are some other things I have been doing these past couple of months.....
Snuggling in my snuggie. Tenderoni may look like he wants nothing to do with me or the snuggie, he is actually very fond of the snuggie. He likes that my hands are free to pet him at his discretion.
I did a puzzle.
I drew pictures of peni (that islatin for lots of penis).
I drank a canned drink popular amongst college students. Four Loko. You will be drunk after a sip and yes, grape flavor is the best.
I sat in the park and sang the full house theme.
And of course I drank.......
and drank.....
drank some more....
and then drank...........
My promise to you, my dear followers.. I promise to blog in a timely manner and most importantly, I promise to never be sober on a Saturday.
PEACE BITCHES!
*partigan: the cardigan I party in
The goal for this blog is to try different things and eventually find something that I'm good at, or actually like doing. For the past year and a half I have been searching for my niche in life. Its not an easy task. Although my plan was to try manual labor, different creative projects, and things that I should know how to do anyway (i.e, fix a flat tire or go normal on a first date). I failed because I didn't actually do anything I was planning on. I was not made for hard labor or anything domestic. If you remember, my first plan of attack was to paint my sisters old bedroom. Here is a recap on how that worked out: I patched half a wall. I also tried to fix a hole in my partigan* and it was fixed until I washed it and it was the holy (yes it is holy) partigan again. This blog hasn't gone the way I intended it to go, but I have done some positive things I would like to share with you in a picture blog.
In this time off from writing I have...
Coached a middle school softball team. IT WAS AWESOME!
This, by far, is the best thing I have done in years. I realized that I could see myself working with kids, which has encouraged me to go back to school. I finally figured out what I could do with my life because of my bad news bears softball team. On the other note my talent in NOT field maintenance. This was my first time.... not great as you can see.
This was my second time. Apparently, in slowpitch softball there aren't supposed to be pitchers circle. You can't tell but this circle is about 3/4th of the infield.
Practice makes perfect, my friends. Although the season ended before I actually did a good job lining the field... there was a lot of improvement.
Here are some other things I have been doing these past couple of months.....
Snuggling in my snuggie. Tenderoni may look like he wants nothing to do with me or the snuggie, he is actually very fond of the snuggie. He likes that my hands are free to pet him at his discretion.
I did a puzzle.
I drew pictures of peni (that islatin for lots of penis).
I drank a canned drink popular amongst college students. Four Loko. You will be drunk after a sip and yes, grape flavor is the best.
I sat in the park and sang the full house theme.
And of course I drank.......
and drank.....
drank some more....
and then drank...........
My promise to you, my dear followers.. I promise to blog in a timely manner and most importantly, I promise to never be sober on a Saturday.
PEACE BITCHES!
*partigan: the cardigan I party in
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
eharmony.com
I need to find a companion. It's lonely out here, and sometimes its nice to have someone around to stroke your ego (and whatever). As a lesbian it is hard to meet women. Especially sane women. So I'm joining eharmony.com
my personal add.
about me: 5'5, more to love, red haired angel.I love to watch Roseanne re-runs, and do crosswords. I have two cats, who are my life. They sleep with me in my bed. I like to drink, a lot. I like to party. Whats wrong with a Tuesday night bender? I am a smoker. I am also unemployed.
about my date: rich (and not the man named "rich"), talented, steady job, someone who will support me, and love my cats equally.
Who wants to date me?
Peace out!
my personal add.
about me: 5'5, more to love, red haired angel.I love to watch Roseanne re-runs, and do crosswords. I have two cats, who are my life. They sleep with me in my bed. I like to drink, a lot. I like to party. Whats wrong with a Tuesday night bender? I am a smoker. I am also unemployed.
about my date: rich (and not the man named "rich"), talented, steady job, someone who will support me, and love my cats equally.
Who wants to date me?
Peace out!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Why should the chicken look both ways before crossing the road?
I am writing today to make a confession....
I live in the county of Vallejo, there is a lot of land, animals, farms, and meth. To go a long with the crack heads, living in a cute hacienda down the street are Mexican drug lords. They have a mansion on street full of shacks. They have Escalades with blacked out windows, classic cars, even an old school carriage. No these things don't make them drug lords, but what does is that their house has been burned down twice, followed by a series of robberies (with nothing reported stolen). Needless to say, when I drive by their house, I look straight ahead. Why am I telling you about this you ask....
The other morning I was driving home from the hospital(my dad had a procedure, he is totally fine). We had to be at the hospital at 6:30am... 6:30 AM! After my bender at my local watering hole, Gentleman Jim's (Thursday night karaoke), I dragged myself out of bed at 6 hung over to take my dad. I was a total space cadet driving home... driving in the HOV lanes.. forgot to pay toll... a hot mess....
I'm finally close to home and as I'm passing the drug house, their innocent chicken ran in the road..... I'm a murderer. I ran over the drug lords chicken. This is punishable by death in many countries. Should I send my condolences? Give them 10 more chickens? Go into hiding? Either way, it has been a rough couple of days, scared for my life and knowing I'm a killer on the run. Life as a fugitive isn't easy. ...
In other news, I'm officially 24. I figure this is my last year to try to get my shit together. The other night I went out to a gay bar with our old friend, bi-curious for attention. This older woman (who was wasted!) came up to us, and started asking us 21 questions. The conversation went like this--
Drunk Geriatric: Are you guys together?
Me: Well.. we are here together....
Drunk Geriatric: No! Are you *together*?
Bi-curious: NO
Drunk Geriatric: So you ladies are single? And not together?
Me: You are correct
Drunk Geriatric: *she turns to me* where are you from?
Me: *sigh* Vallejo *side note: Vallejo does not have a good rep around NorCal*
Drunk Geriatric: So what do you do, Vallejo?
Me: Nothing
Drunk Geriatric: So you're from Vallejo and you do nothing.....
Drunk Geriatric quickly started hitting on Bi-curious. I had to tell her that I am jobless and live in Vallejo not only once, but four fucking times, due to drunky G's inebriated state. She made me say my *situation* out loud and it really hurt my pride.
On that note, I am currently looking for a job. I have for three jobs online. I really have no ambition. My mom keeps asking me if I am drugs, I almost wish I could say yes but I suffer from a disease called apathy and laziness. For a while I convinced Paula mono reared its ugly head again (I had mono when I was 18), and I couldn't start working until I felt better. Then she realized mono was just a hangover.. Updates soon to come on the job front.
Peace out!
Friday, July 23, 2010
I'm a genie in a bottle, baby
Well, hello there my fair followers! It has been a interesting/busy few weeks. My sister finally got married. Thank god. I gladly gave her away. I've always wanted to be an only child. In these few weeks I've experienced a few things I have been dying to tell you..... I found something I'm good at...
This talent I'm about to tell you about may not come as a surprise to most of you. If I don't write about my little accomplishments, my big ones won't seem as glorious. I'm not good at a lot of things, but I can make a damn good drink. I have gone through different phases of my beverages of choice. I can proudly say I am exclusively a cocktail kind of girl now. My old favorite; vodka tonic with lime, sure, its delicious but tonic water has 90 calories and is basically sugar water. So, I switched to vodka soda with lime... and its good. But when you're feeling a little crazy here is a drink I made up this weekend. It is a modified version of a flirtini. All you need is: One bottle of Absolute vodka, Champagne, and cranberry juice! Mix to your discretion and drink... A LOT!
Also this weekend, there was a glitch in the universe and I became a straight girl. Not literally like I did the dirty with this guy (not because I'm a prude but keep reading you'll find out why). I did develop a little crushy- crush on this dude. First, I would like to say I was boozing heavy all weekend. While confessing my crush to him... in the bar... and many vodka soda's deep I said *insert slurry voice here* "if you ever cheat on me... the cats are mine" I thought I was being funny. I guess not. This guy is apparently a captain of some yachts in Mexico.. so after I find this out what do I do.... invite myself to live with him *I know it seems fast, but seems right* I said... *I can open a chicken finger (fried chicken) business on shore and give women five fingers a day* I told him.. he politely walked away and sat at the other side of the table. I don't blame him.
So there it is... I have no game with girls or boys... thank god for my excellent drink making ability and my cats....
Peace out!
This talent I'm about to tell you about may not come as a surprise to most of you. If I don't write about my little accomplishments, my big ones won't seem as glorious. I'm not good at a lot of things, but I can make a damn good drink. I have gone through different phases of my beverages of choice. I can proudly say I am exclusively a cocktail kind of girl now. My old favorite; vodka tonic with lime, sure, its delicious but tonic water has 90 calories and is basically sugar water. So, I switched to vodka soda with lime... and its good. But when you're feeling a little crazy here is a drink I made up this weekend. It is a modified version of a flirtini. All you need is: One bottle of Absolute vodka, Champagne, and cranberry juice! Mix to your discretion and drink... A LOT!
Also this weekend, there was a glitch in the universe and I became a straight girl. Not literally like I did the dirty with this guy (not because I'm a prude but keep reading you'll find out why). I did develop a little crushy- crush on this dude. First, I would like to say I was boozing heavy all weekend. While confessing my crush to him... in the bar... and many vodka soda's deep I said *insert slurry voice here* "if you ever cheat on me... the cats are mine" I thought I was being funny. I guess not. This guy is apparently a captain of some yachts in Mexico.. so after I find this out what do I do.... invite myself to live with him *I know it seems fast, but seems right* I said... *I can open a chicken finger (fried chicken) business on shore and give women five fingers a day* I told him.. he politely walked away and sat at the other side of the table. I don't blame him.
So there it is... I have no game with girls or boys... thank god for my excellent drink making ability and my cats....
Peace out!
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